Midnight Fiction: Kupchak Shuffles His iPod

Bedroom, dim lights, quiet sound outside. Mitch Kupchak texts David Stern using a burner: “Kiss my Laker ass.”

Meanwhile, Metta World Peace hears about the trade late on a return flight to Vancouver to find his Mike Bibby jersey which he misplaced at the Delta Whistler. Also, Narduwar has his cell phone.

Kobe is still up even though it’s middle of the night in London, he’s drafting his Olympic posts ahead of the games, stares at his computer screen, all it says is “Mamba Out.”

Steve Nash, kicking a soccer ball in the middle of somewhere possibly nowhere, starts crying, doesn’t understand what’s going on. Owners actually spend money?

Antawn Jamison, in a quiet room, takes a shot of Jameson out of irony.

Kupchak, still laughing to himself in bed, finishes charging his Discman, puts on Reasonable Doubt. “Ok. All reloaded”. Starts drifting off to D’Evils.

Andrew Bynum, in a gym somewhere, shooting corner threes, Gilbert Arenas as the ball boy. Tells him that closing out trades is easy.

Late into the evening, Orlando fans find out they will also be getting a second rounder from Denver. It’s all starting to make sense. Less sense.

Daryl Morey, in his basement, breaks 3 iPads upon hearing the news. Drunk dials Larry Coon to see when Jeremy Lin can be traded for three draft picks for when Kevin Love hits free agency in a few years.

Kobe texts Dwight, “remember when I baptized you with that dunk?”

Dwight denies ever being dunked on or wanting a trade.

Phil Jackson turns to Jeanie Buss in bed: “You know all I have to do is place a call and Mike Brown will mysteriously have family problems tomorrow.”

Rob Babcock calls Rob Hennigan, leaves a voice message laughing in his best Ned Flanders rendition.

Mitch Kupchak, still can’t sleep, rolls around in bed, shuffles his iPod. “Stay Scheming” comes on.

I’ma ride for my Lakers dawg.

End scene.

Posted on 10 August, 2012

103 notes

  1. x-in-the-depths-of-solitude-x reblogged this from boombapbeatnik
  2. eatcerealwithwater reblogged this from stevenlebron
  3. justthinkhappythought reblogged this from stevenlebron
  4. domdom2324 reblogged this from stevenlebron
  5. buytide reblogged this from stevenlebron
  6. ricardodavinci reblogged this from stevenlebron and added:
    Laughed out loud
  7. barbie-sluttzz reblogged this from stevenlebron
  8. finnloveslesbos reblogged this from stevenlebron
  9. myheartgoon reblogged this from stevenlebron
  10. sjuchsmhy reblogged this from stevenlebron
  11. reconblackbird reblogged this from stevenlebron
  12. michaelmcgee reblogged this from plutostrikesback and added:
    Amazing.
  13. plutostrikesback reblogged this from stevenlebron
  14. boooie reblogged this from theblackvangogh2013
  15. princess-of-a-fairytale reblogged this from stevenlebron
  16. jazzymancia reblogged this from stevenlebron
  17. ecstasyatseven reblogged this from stevenlebron
  18. doper-skiller reblogged this from stevenlebron
  19. illmake-everysecond-count reblogged this from stevenlebron
  20. musicteachesustolovelife reblogged this from stevenlebron
  21. panditaquedicemiau reblogged this from stevenlebron
  22. highercallingapparel reblogged this from stevenlebron and added:
    Fuck MY NBA Life…….
  23. theblackvangogh2013 reblogged this from stevenlebron
  24. bulletproofinfinity reblogged this from stevenlebron