When I was in 7th grade, I went through this phase where I stopped caring about school and just wanted to spend recess at the water fountain, taking in excess amounts of water in my mouth then mimicking the HHH water spit while doing multiple Degeneration X chops.
Somewhere during that phase — which lasted like one semester — I went from a really good student to a terrible one. When I got my mid-term results, my grades were terrible. My teacher was so concerned that she pulled me aside and we had a conversation after class. She was worried I was throwing away my potential.
Looking back now, I think the disappointment in her and the concern when my parents saw my grades set me along this path of never wanting that feeling again. From that point on, all the way until I graduated university and pursued an accounting designation, I was very strong academically.
I don’t think my university transcript shows that I’m smart, it just shows that I cared.
I never really thought about my career too much, or tried to plan my future according to some well-drawn out plan. I just put my head down, did what I knew was required of me from an education standpoint, and knew that the rest would take care of itself.
Working in any corporate environment sucks to a certain extent. People become these weird variations of themselves, cobbled together from a bunch of stereotypes that they’ve learned and decide to emulate. People don’t often think with their own thoughts. Instead, they stop and assess every situation as if to think “what would someone in my position do” and then they do whatever’s necessary.
I respect people who hustle that way, I just don’t like them.
And so, the general satisfaction of having a stable job in a career field that you don’t particularly like goes something like this:
Because of that, I think a lot of people in my position start exploring different creative outlets, if they’re not really into becoming just another corporate drone. Drones make money and move up, I just want respect, man.
But once you get such a late start to this, if you want the writing thing to be more than just a hobby, to be something more, it gets hard, because the window of opportunity looks something like this:
As you get older, it shrinks more. It’s harder to have the time and resources to devote everything just to yourself. Which is not a bad thing. Listen, owning property, having a career, getting married, starting a family, these are all exciting things. They’re great. There are people going through worst than you, blah, blah, blah. In the end, satisfaction with what you’re doing in your life matters too. Trying to balance all of that is difficult.
I write to get better at it, to entertain, to provide a different voice because even though there was great voices out there, there are shitty ones too. I want to fit in with the better group. I never understood people who write sports to be right about something, or wrong about something. This shit isn’t black and white man, you suppose to explore the grey area because that’s the most interesting part. Predictions are fun, but predicaments are more enjoyable to read about.
But I suppose all I really wanted to do was whine about this, and how I think life sucks because life is not perfect, and: I encourage anyone who has any interest in anything to pursue it with full force.
I myself have found restrictions in tackling this writing thing full force. It’d be so great to just spend five years going back to school and rebuild my career. But I don’t have the time, I don’t have the money to do that without sacrificing the other things I want. So while you can, do it, because that window’s always shrinking.
And if I ever go back to school, I’m definitely taking an elective in illustration in MS Paint.